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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24618799">Here I stay (lay in darkness forever)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysV/pseuds/mysV'>mysV</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Who'll find a way [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Clone Wars, Depa Billaba's Second Battalion, F/M, Gen, Many Clone Troopers Mentioned, One-Sided Attraction, Order 66, Post-Order 66, jedi order</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24618799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysV/pseuds/mysV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Grey can’t think, can’t wish, can’t dream. He only remember. </p><p>He can remember. </p><p>He just have his head back, a little bit of it, barely enough to recognize himself again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Depa Billaba &amp; CC-10/994 | Grey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Who'll find a way [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776736</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Here I stay (lay in darkness forever)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>We have to give Grey some credit, he was one of the very few clones who notice that something was very wrong with Order 66, and he didn't only notice, but sacrifice himself and give Kanan a chance to live. So yes, we are dealing with a very thoug Commander right there. It didn't stop the suffering, though. </p><p>English isn't my first languague, I'm practicing to get better at it, i'm very sorry for any mistake in my grammar or spelling.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Disclaimer</strong>: Star Wars and all of its affiliated properties remains property of Lucasfilm and Disney.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Grey wants so many things, things he knows he couldn’t have, or even dream of.</p><p>He is not stupid, as any other clone, his own life isn’t something he can control. He is also very aware that his fate has been wrote long before he was decanted.</p><p>But he still wish, in the very shorts moments he have to himself between cycles, he wish.</p><p>He wants a place to call home, and have a life that slightly resemblance normalcy. He wants to stop the suffering of his brothers, he wants them there with him, alive and well, and not only in his Remembrances.</p><p>He wants to see the General’s Padawan, Commander Dume, grow up and become a proper Jedi, maybe even teaching a thing or two to the child, hear him laugh, see him success.</p><p>He wants the boy’s Master too, even if it go against every single rule he knows and stand for.</p><p>Sometimes he wonder if it is because General Billaba is the closest female he have in his life, or if the sight of her fighting so bravely, of her teaching her Padawan so patiently and caring so much for his <em>vode</em>, maybe all of it speak to him in ways he can’t really understand.</p><p>He wants to run his fingers through her loose hair, feel her hands rest on his shoulders and her arms around his neck. He wants to do so much more than just hold her.</p><p>Maybe he just want her because he already lost her once.</p><p>But he knows he can’t.</p><p>So he shoves those feelings to the back corners of his mind, he buries the want and hide the thoughts as deeply as he can. Where not even the General can find them.</p><p>It would be easier, if the Kamioans have made him, made them, more droids than men.</p><p>Is not like some people think they already are, flesh droid.</p><p>But droids don’t wish or want. Droids don’t care, don’t feel pain, or fear to bleed out alone in the battlefield.</p><p>Droids don’t miss and either loss.</p><p>Grey wants things he knows he cannot have, and as far he know, he isn’t the only one. Styles also want a life of his own, Mixx dreams with see parts of the Galaxy that hasn’t been shattered by war, Big Mouth wants a family, of all the things.</p><p>Neyo wants to fly free and under his own rules, Gree wants knowledge, Cody wish a glorious end, Bacara would gladly give his life for any of the men under his command, Fox wants forgiveness as much as he wants validation.</p><p>Rex wants victory.</p><p>Thorn wanted honor.</p><p>Wolffe wants peace.</p><p>When they talk, some much more frequently than other, those wishes come to surface for briefs moments. They like to share their thoughts, but telling what they want feel like betray to themselves.</p><p>Mixx can’t leave his duty just to go to explore, Wolffe can’t let himself to be seeing as any more than a fierce soldier, Bacara needs to be there for his men til the very end.</p><p>Thorn found what he wanted in the worst circumstances.</p><p>So Grey will do exactly as them, he is going to ignore what he wants, and as a good soldier, he’ll just carry on.</p><p>Til the bitter end.</p>
<hr/><p>“<em>Commander Grey, execute Order 66</em>”</p><p>Suddenly, he can’t think, he can’t made this own decisions, he can’t even wish anymore. He isn’t himself anymore.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders.</em>
</p><p>Why? Hasn’t he been a good soldier since he was just a child? Why telling him that now?</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders.</em>
</p><p>There was no more General Billaba, or Commander Dume, or Jedi who were friends, or friends who were almost family. Now, there were only traitors.</p><p>His men are good soldiers, they follow orders, and while they follow orders, the Jedi fight as never before. They shoot at her, but she keep standing. They shoot the kid, but she shove him to the shadows.</p><p>The traitor is everything but weak, Mixx fall decapitate by her lightsaber, while other brother get the same sword straight into his armor and chest. Dume is nowhere to be seeing.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders.</em>
</p><p>The Jedi is brave, but she is already severely injured and Grey notices how her hold on the lightsaber grows weak by every second. There is nothing in her he could ever want, or admire or follow. Nothing at all.</p><p>
  <em>She is nothing.</em>
</p><p>He shoots at her like she was the target, and he was training back in Kamino. He shoots at her and feels good.</p><p>The jewel in her frown glows, and Grey aim right at it, a clean shoot between her eyebrows and the traitor is neutralized. She falls to the ground, her eyes glassy, her robes dirty and her braids undone. His men keep shooting at her.</p><p>Is easy, is just like cadet training, is so easy he almost laugh.</p><p>He sent Styles to catch the kid.</p><p>His head hurt, a sharply kind of pain he fights to ignore. Some of his men are punching the side of their heads, trying to silence the thoughts, trying to rip the pain with their hands.</p><p>
  <em>They just gone insane.</em>
</p><p>He remembers, but memories are useless.</p><p>Dume is gone, but they have to eliminate him for their work to be complete.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders. </em>
</p><p>How stupid needs one to be, to use a shiny jewel in the frown, in the middle of a war zone? Was the traitor clueless?</p><p>
  <em>No, she wasn’t.</em>
</p><p>Dume is still a dumb kid, since his footsteps are easy to track.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders. </em>
</p><p>Grey can’t think, can’t wish, can’t dream. He only remember.</p><p>
  <em>He can remember. </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>At the end, he didn’t have Billaba, or a home, or something that slightly resemblance normalcy. He have nothing, as a clone, the only thing he can have is nothing. He was just a tool, all his brothers were.</p><p>He just have his head back, a little bit of it, barely enough to recognize himself again.</p><p>He gives Dume a second (or third?) chance. May the kid live and success.</p><p>Now is time for Commander Grey to quit his duty. He have nothing more to give and no one else to guide. Styles is already gone.</p><p>
  <em>Good soldiers follow orders.  </em>
</p><p>Grey was a pretty damn good soldier.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you very much for reading! The title of this Fic was taken from Sabaton song "Purple Heart"</p></blockquote></div></div>
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